Goals

Mike asked me a question the other night that really got me thinking. He asked me if there was one area of my life where I didn't compare myself to other women.....he just wanted me to think of ONE. Huh. I couldn't do it. Keeping a clean house? Ha! I could rattle off tons of women who have beeeauuutiful houses that always seem freshly cleaned. Being a good mom? Nope. I have no patience and I get so agitated when my house if full of kids ( I can handle a couple extras, but past that I start to STRESS!).....I have some friends who are not only great with other people's kids, but they are fantastic with their own. They really seem to take the time to have quality time doing fun and educational things with their children. The way I look? Don't get me started! How come everyone seems to lose the baby weight twice as fast as I can? And what woman can't instantly rattle of 20 other girls who she thinks are prettier? Talent? I can't think of any skills I have that are above mediocre. I know so many women that can sew amazing things, or paint, or play the piano, or sing, or take pictures, or decorate, or craft. Even in something as personal as spiritual progression I tend to look around me and feel like so many others are leaps and bounds ahead of me in terms of living a Christ-like life and having an unshakably firm testimony.

The crazy thing is I think most women do this to themselves....especially LDS women. I always thought that age brought confidence, but I feel like I get more and insecure as the years go by. Maybe it's because the consequences attatched to failure are so much scarier than when I was young. If I'm not a good enough mother my boys will suffer.....if I don't have a strong enough comittment to the Gospel how am I going to help my family stand strong against all the bad in todays world........if I'm not thin enough or pretty enough I'll be one of "those" women who get married, have babies and then let themselves go......if I don't keep a nice enough house we'll be embarassed to have people over (and what would they think of me!). I really hate that I do this. I wish I didn't care what other people thought. I don't know how to shut that part of my brain off. All comparisons aside I do have lots and lots of room for improvement in my life. That being said I wanted to compile a list of goals for self improvement. In no particlular order.....

1. Daily Scripture Study- boy has that one fallen on my list of priorities since Weston was born. Our ward has a goal to read the Book of Mormon in 100 days. I occasionally fall behind, but so far I've been able to catch back up. I'd also like to get back into the habit of reading the Book of Mormon Stories for Children with the boys at night before bed.

2. Run- I want to do a half marathon sometime this Spring. My PR is 2:16, but I'd really like to beat that. Running is my anti-depressant. It's what keeps me off post-partum meds. Although I'll probably never have a whip-thin runners body, I feel better about my self image when I'm in shape, I feel stronger and more confident.

3. FHE- We seem to manage a track record of about 50-75% I'd like to be 100%

4. Home- here's a biggie, I know it's unrealistic (for me) to have a lickably clean house at all times. So I'd like to just focus on a few things. Make beds everyday. Wipe down my bathroom everyday (absolutely necessary with little boys). Load and run the dishwasher at night before bed.....don't let dinner dishes sit until morning...yuck.

5. Developing talents- I need to start practicing the piano again. I haven't played since Martha died. I'll never be a concert pianist or be able to play amazing solo pieces, but I would like to have music in our home. I love to play, I feel very relaxed and at peace. I also enjoy feeling like I'm using my brain when faced with challenging pieces.

6. Motherhood- Tanner is so bored with Caeden in school all day. I want to start planning at least one fun special activity for him each week. Maybe a picnic at the park, or building a snowman, or doing a fun craft at home. Also, Caeden seems to really need one-on-one. I want to start having mommy-boy dates with each of my kids once a month.

7. A Better Wife- I'm too hard on Mike. I know I am. He works so hard and I don't tell him often enough how much I appreciate the good life that he provides for our family. I tend to focus on how much he's gone instead of how much he does. I need to be a more positive wife. I've arranged a babysitting swap with my sister so that we can start going on dates once a month. I love him more than ever, but too often our relationship takes back seat. I want to help bring some sparks back into our marriage.

8. Me- When I spent the day doing Halloween crafts a couple of Fridays ago I realized that I don't make "me" time very often. I have tons of scrapbook stuff that has been collecting dust for about two years now. I love doing crafts. I love cooking, baking and creating yummy things in my kitchen. I'm not amazingly talented or creative, but I love having something to show for my hard work......you just don't get that with the house, meals and endless loads of laundry. I'm thinking Friday will be my day "off" (need to send a memo to the kids about that) to do what I want, craft, cook, read, go shopping, or spend the day with my sister or have some fun with friends. Only the most basic of house work or errands on that day.

9. Service- I know one of the best ways to have gratitude for what you have is to serve others. I am so blessed. I'm blessed to have my health, family, and material comforts. I know a lot of people who don't have those things. I want to spend more time helping ease their burdens. I want to be a better friend, daughter, and sister. Right now I'm a quarterly Visiting Teacher...I need to get back to doing it monthly.

10. Blog- I put off blogging for so long, but now that I've started I'm realizing that it's such an easy way for my to keep a journal, not only about me, but about my boys and our family life.

I'm hoping that if I focus on these goals and some self improvement that maybe I'll be able to overcome some of my insecurities and boost up my pesky lagging self esteem. There. I've written them down. Now I'm accountable.

Halloween Crafts!

Today I did something I haven't done in longer than I can remember. I made something! Not anything earth shattering or especially useful. I saw the cutest Halloween craft on this blog.....here. I decided that today I was going to ignore my messy house, my loads of unfolded laundry (my kids, ssshhhh), and all the other things that needed my attention. Today was for ME! It felt great! I love crafting - I love creating - and it's been way too long since I've taken the time to do any of it. Ta da!

Martha

Martha Morris 1932 ~ 2009 Martha Elizabeth Galbraith Morris was born May 19, 1932 in Philadelphia, PA to Robert J. and Elizabeth V. Galbraith, returned to be with her parents and our Heavenly Father on Wednesday, October 7, 2009.She was a faithful member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. She held many positions within the church with her most memorable one being that of organist in the Jordan River Temple. She will be truly missed by her family and friends. She is survived by her husband Bobby, West Jordan. Her children: Liz (Paul) Muir, Kearns and Robert (Cheri), West Jordan. Also surviving are her grandchildren: Brandon, Jeremy, Danyele and Caitlin Muir and Lisa and Steven Morris. At mom's request graveside services will be held Monday, October 12th at 11:00am at Camp Williams Cemetery, 17115 S Camp Williams Rd, Bluffdale, Ut. In lieu of flowers the family has set up an account at any Cyprus Credit Union in Bobby Morris' name for contributions to help with funeral cost.

Just over a week ago I lost a dear friend. I wanted to write about some of my memories of her. She was one of the sweetest most gentle ladies I have ever known. I got the privilege of taking piano lessons from her for the past year and half. During that time I grew to love her very much.

Martha was always thinking of others. Every time I showed up for a lesson she would ask my how I was doing, how my boys were, if they liked school, how Mike's work was going. She and Bobby didn't have money to spare, but she was always picking up little treats and coloring contest pages for my boys when she went to the grocery store. On holidays she would make special little candy bags for me to take home to them. My boys liked going to Sister Morris's house, eating apples in her backyard, and playing with the toys she still had lingering around from when her grandchildren were young . For a few months last year I was pregnant and too sick to take lessons. She would call me up every week or so just to check on me, make sure everything was okay, and tell me that she was thinking of me. I don't think I ever left a piano lesson without her giving me a hug and telling me that she loved me.

Martha and Bob had the sweetest marriage. She was the organist in church and Bobby would always sit up on the stand with her so that he could be near her during Sacrament meeting. Bobby had some surgeries and health problems this last year that required temporarily staying in a nursing home. Martha missed him so much. It was so hard for them to be apart. I would drive her down to the nursing home and she would stay there visiting him as long as she was able.

She was such an example of a woman with a strong testimony. There were so many times she would brush off my enquiries of how her health was by just saying she had faith that the Lord was taking care of her. One of the stories she used to tell was about few years ago when she fell on a patch of ice in the parking lot and shattered her arm. She had to have multiple surgeries to fix it. The doctors didn't know if she'd ever be able to play the piano again. She was given a blessing that her arm would be healed and her musical abilities would be restored. She didn't doubt, it was a long time before her arm functioned normally again, but she knew that she just needed to be patient and the Lord would fulfill His promise to her. There were so many different occasions when she took the time to bear her testimony to me. She loved her Heavenly Father and had such a close relationship with Him.

Martha was an amazingly talented woman. Her former piano teacher was German and Julliard trained. She was very strict and mean. I think Martha tried to make up for that by being extremely patient and sweet with her students. She thought everyone should know how to read music and she loved to teach....especially adults! I learned so much from her. I loved to listen to her play. I would practise a song for weeks and when I played it sounded like a mediocre melody for a beginning pianist. Martha would sit at the keys and play the same song from the same sheet of music and it would sound beautiful! She was the organist at the Jordan River Temple for many years and she loved it. She would always talk about how much she enjoyed going to serve on Tuesday nights. This last year they released her from that calling because her health was failing. She was so disspointed, but going there every week was tiring her out and she knew it was the right decision. The temple presidency gave her a certificate of thanks for her many years of service. She was so proud of it she put it in a frame and displayed it in her front room.

The week before she passed away I missed my piano lesson in order to go camping with my family. I wish I would have known that it would be the last time I would have seen her. I wouldn't have missed that lesson for anything. I told her "thank you" after every lesson and I responded in kind when she said she loved me, but I don't think I ever truly told her how much she meant to me and how much I appreciated her sharing her talents with me. I regret that I never once even took my camera with me to one of our lessons and got a picture of her sitting at her piano. She had such a hard time this last year. She would call Mike or I to come and close her gate in the front yard because walking up or down the stairs in her house would absolutely exhaust her. She was diagnosed with congenital heart failure and had to carry around an oxygen tank (which she hated).....despite all that she rarely complained! She had such a positive and cheerful attitude. I miss her, but I'm glad that she's finally out of pain. My heart aches for Bobby, but I know that he'll be with her again someday. I'm so grateful to be a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. I'm grateful for the knowlege that we'll see our loved ones again. I love you Martha!