First Day of School

My baby is growing up too fast! I can't believe that Caeden is in 1st grade this year. I just dropped him off for his first day of school this morning. Will he remember that he's supposed to buy school lunch today? Will he give his teacher his money for school supplies before he loses it? Will he know where to find me after school? I know he's grown up enough to handle all of these things, but I can't help but be a worrying mommy all the same.

When he went off to kindergarten it didn't bother me....he had already been in preschool since the age of three for Speech Therapy. Sending him off for a couple hours during the middle of the day just wasn't a big deal. First grade though....yikes! It seems like the official transition from Little Kid to Big Kid. He's ready for it, I'm not.

He's grown so much the last couple of years. When he was younger he had some things that were difficult for him.... DDI worked with him as an infant because he was very delayed with walking and crawling. His struggles continued and he entered a Special Needs Preschool right after his 3rd birthday. While he was there he recieved Speech Therapy and Fine Motor Therapy. Everything was so hard for him, as a mother it broke my heart to see him struggle so much. Over those two years he made excellent progress and we could really see him catching up with his peers. When it came time to enroll him in Kindergarten his preschool teacher and I started to butt heads. She wanted me to enroll him in Diagnostic Kindergarten and from there into a cluster group of Special Needs students. I thought about it, but it just didn't feel like the right thing to do. His test scores were ridiculously low and I didn't trust them. Even his teachers kept saying how suprised they were by how low his scores were. If everyone of us was shocked by the scores then why were we not doubting their validity? Why should one lousy test determine his future? I didn't trust my own instincts. I honestly felt like he could succeed in a regular kindergarten class, but what if it was just my pride dictating those feelings? I prayed and prayed about what I should do, nothing felt right. I thought about enrolling him in a nearby elementary school that wasn't his local school because they seemed to have higher test scores, but they weren't willing to take him because of his IEP. A friend in my ward told me about a local charter school that her kids went to. She had nothing but good things to say about their hands-on learning programs. Right away I thought "that would be perfect for Caeden!". I felt so good about it! Kindergarten students enrolled through a lottery system. In Feb I signed him up, I was told that we would know by April if his name had been picked. April came and went.

I went ahead and signed him up for the local school. I was still torn about it. Should I do diagnostic kindergarten or not? I didn't want to set him up for failure if he couldn't keep up with his other peers in a regular classroom, but I also didn't want him to be "labeled" and stuck in a Special Needs group if he didn't need to be there. By this time I was also starting to feel frustrated because I had been literally praying for months about what kind of schooling would be best for my child and I still wasn't receiving an answer.

Suprise! I got a phone call in June from E. Acadamey. Caeden had made the lottery and would enter their kindergarten in the fall. This school has been the absolute best thing for him. He has made leaps and bounds under the tutelage of his AMAZING Kindergarten teacher! She says his information processing takes a little longer than some of the other students, but he understands the work and is able to keep up with the rest of the class. Sometimes he needs a little more time to do his assignments, but she just finds little snippets during the day where he can sit down for a few minutes and catch up. He is no longer on an IEP of any kind. He's succeeding!

I will never forget the first Parent Teacher Conference I attended about three months after he started kindergarten. Throughout the whole meeting the kindergarten teacher, principle, and the two therapists who worked with him at the time had nothing but wonderful things to say about my son. Afterwards I went out to my car and cried. At his preschool, Conferences had seemed like such a negative thing.....he wasn't able to do this, he wasn't succeeding at that, he didn't get along with this child, he wasn't making progress here.... I always left feeling like a failure as a parent. I can't describe my feelings after that first meeting at E. Academy. I was told that Caeden was doing great! He was a hard worker, he was social and making friends, he was bright and intelligent.......Bright and Intelligent! That was the first time I had ever had anyone tell me my son was smart. Do I think my son became a completely different child in those short 6 months between preschool graduation and that first PTC? No, I don't. I think it's all about where the focus is on the child....their failures? or their successess.

This school has been such a big blessing for Caeden. Shortly after I was informed that he had made the lottery I was talking to a friend who had also tried to enroll her daughter at E. Acadamey....she hadn't made the lottery and was #379 on the waiting list. For the first time I realized just how lucky we were that his name had been picked. I strongly feel that it was an answer to all the prayers on Caeden's behalf. The lesson I learned in all of this is that I need to have more faith and patience. Heavenly Father knew that things would work out for my son......I just needed to wait for the right time. I was feeling bitter and frustrated about not getting an answer on my schedule, but the truth of it was He had something much better planned for our family.

So it was with mixed feelings that I took him to his class today. Yes, it's hard to let go, but I also know how blessed we are that he gets the oppotunity to attend such a wonderful school!