Goals

Mike asked me a question the other night that really got me thinking. He asked me if there was one area of my life where I didn't compare myself to other women.....he just wanted me to think of ONE. Huh. I couldn't do it. Keeping a clean house? Ha! I could rattle off tons of women who have beeeauuutiful houses that always seem freshly cleaned. Being a good mom? Nope. I have no patience and I get so agitated when my house if full of kids ( I can handle a couple extras, but past that I start to STRESS!).....I have some friends who are not only great with other people's kids, but they are fantastic with their own. They really seem to take the time to have quality time doing fun and educational things with their children. The way I look? Don't get me started! How come everyone seems to lose the baby weight twice as fast as I can? And what woman can't instantly rattle of 20 other girls who she thinks are prettier? Talent? I can't think of any skills I have that are above mediocre. I know so many women that can sew amazing things, or paint, or play the piano, or sing, or take pictures, or decorate, or craft. Even in something as personal as spiritual progression I tend to look around me and feel like so many others are leaps and bounds ahead of me in terms of living a Christ-like life and having an unshakably firm testimony.

The crazy thing is I think most women do this to themselves....especially LDS women. I always thought that age brought confidence, but I feel like I get more and insecure as the years go by. Maybe it's because the consequences attatched to failure are so much scarier than when I was young. If I'm not a good enough mother my boys will suffer.....if I don't have a strong enough comittment to the Gospel how am I going to help my family stand strong against all the bad in todays world........if I'm not thin enough or pretty enough I'll be one of "those" women who get married, have babies and then let themselves go......if I don't keep a nice enough house we'll be embarassed to have people over (and what would they think of me!). I really hate that I do this. I wish I didn't care what other people thought. I don't know how to shut that part of my brain off. All comparisons aside I do have lots and lots of room for improvement in my life. That being said I wanted to compile a list of goals for self improvement. In no particlular order.....

1. Daily Scripture Study- boy has that one fallen on my list of priorities since Weston was born. Our ward has a goal to read the Book of Mormon in 100 days. I occasionally fall behind, but so far I've been able to catch back up. I'd also like to get back into the habit of reading the Book of Mormon Stories for Children with the boys at night before bed.

2. Run- I want to do a half marathon sometime this Spring. My PR is 2:16, but I'd really like to beat that. Running is my anti-depressant. It's what keeps me off post-partum meds. Although I'll probably never have a whip-thin runners body, I feel better about my self image when I'm in shape, I feel stronger and more confident.

3. FHE- We seem to manage a track record of about 50-75% I'd like to be 100%

4. Home- here's a biggie, I know it's unrealistic (for me) to have a lickably clean house at all times. So I'd like to just focus on a few things. Make beds everyday. Wipe down my bathroom everyday (absolutely necessary with little boys). Load and run the dishwasher at night before bed.....don't let dinner dishes sit until morning...yuck.

5. Developing talents- I need to start practicing the piano again. I haven't played since Martha died. I'll never be a concert pianist or be able to play amazing solo pieces, but I would like to have music in our home. I love to play, I feel very relaxed and at peace. I also enjoy feeling like I'm using my brain when faced with challenging pieces.

6. Motherhood- Tanner is so bored with Caeden in school all day. I want to start planning at least one fun special activity for him each week. Maybe a picnic at the park, or building a snowman, or doing a fun craft at home. Also, Caeden seems to really need one-on-one. I want to start having mommy-boy dates with each of my kids once a month.

7. A Better Wife- I'm too hard on Mike. I know I am. He works so hard and I don't tell him often enough how much I appreciate the good life that he provides for our family. I tend to focus on how much he's gone instead of how much he does. I need to be a more positive wife. I've arranged a babysitting swap with my sister so that we can start going on dates once a month. I love him more than ever, but too often our relationship takes back seat. I want to help bring some sparks back into our marriage.

8. Me- When I spent the day doing Halloween crafts a couple of Fridays ago I realized that I don't make "me" time very often. I have tons of scrapbook stuff that has been collecting dust for about two years now. I love doing crafts. I love cooking, baking and creating yummy things in my kitchen. I'm not amazingly talented or creative, but I love having something to show for my hard work......you just don't get that with the house, meals and endless loads of laundry. I'm thinking Friday will be my day "off" (need to send a memo to the kids about that) to do what I want, craft, cook, read, go shopping, or spend the day with my sister or have some fun with friends. Only the most basic of house work or errands on that day.

9. Service- I know one of the best ways to have gratitude for what you have is to serve others. I am so blessed. I'm blessed to have my health, family, and material comforts. I know a lot of people who don't have those things. I want to spend more time helping ease their burdens. I want to be a better friend, daughter, and sister. Right now I'm a quarterly Visiting Teacher...I need to get back to doing it monthly.

10. Blog- I put off blogging for so long, but now that I've started I'm realizing that it's such an easy way for my to keep a journal, not only about me, but about my boys and our family life.

I'm hoping that if I focus on these goals and some self improvement that maybe I'll be able to overcome some of my insecurities and boost up my pesky lagging self esteem. There. I've written them down. Now I'm accountable.