WANTED:

A mother for an energetic 4-year-old.

Job Requirements:

Must have the patience of a saint.

Must have inexhaustable energy and nerves of steel.

Must have a knowledge of all forms of first aid, emergency surgery and veterinary sciences.

Must not care if all wordly posessions are destroyed.

Must be willing to forgive 10,000 times daily

Familiarity with all emergency numbers preferred, such as:

911, poison control, Utah Natural Disaster Cleanup, mental hospital, and local firestations.

A thorough knowlege of how to remove "permanent" stains required.

Past or current SWAT team members,

or any other specially trained forces

will be given preferrance.

Must be willing to work for no pay, little appreciation, and be contracted
for at least 14 more years

Guaranteed spot in the Celestial Kingdom for raising him to adulthood

without inflicting bodily harm.

Anyone needing sleep, peace, quiet or calm need not apply.

HURRY!!!

This job offer won't last!

(Because the child will be GONE!)